Maybe you are feeling like I am. You set your sights on some high and lofty goal. You’ve got a vision. 
A goal that you feel really good about. You have made significant progress toward your goal. However, on the way to your goals you experience the stark reality that while you have made progress toward your goal, the situation that existed that prompted you to make that goal in the first place still exists. The existence of this pre-existing condition threatens the survival of your dream. Indeed, reality can slap your dreams in the face and if you are not careful cause you to quit moving forward and even fall backward.
Well, let me remind you that your dreams are not your reality. At least not yet. You can’t feed your family on dreams. At least not today. Somehow, while you are working on your dreams you must also deal with your today’s realities. One thing I’ve learned on this latest pursuit – plan for your reality while you are working on your dreams. Don’t allow your dreams to be your escape from reality.
Posted in Motivation Planning by .
Aug 10
13
What We Can Do For You!
Jul 10
1
I Want What I Want NOW!
Do you always get what you want from your partner? No! But sometimes we expect that and find ourselves bum rushing them for it. Only to end up in an argument with hurt feelings. Instead of getting what I wanted I now feel further away from my wife. Have you experience this? We live in a instant this and instant that world. California was the first state to institute instant divorce. We humans don’t need an easy way out of our commitments. We need all the help we can get to stick with our commitments.
A friend of mine was so caught up in her thoughts that she left her ATM card in the teller machine. The person behind her said ‘Oh my lucky day’ and withdrew the $500 maximum allowed. When my friend found out she was totally upset because she really could not afford that loss. After calling the bank to track this monster down the bank told her there was nothing they could do. Now she was beyond upset. She then told the bank she would no longer deposit her money there because they would not put forth any effort to help her get her money back.
When you can’t have what you want from your partner – do you think about taking your money out. Or are you committed over the long haul?
Posted in Anger Management Marriage by .
Jun 10
26
Proactive Marriages
It always gets me mad when I see another couple that doesn’t make it. There is so much help available but people just don’t seem to want to make it. The old saying goes ‘no man is an island’. I don’t know about that. I think they way we are living our lives these days is as if we are all alone. I work to help couples rejuvenate their connection every day. I see miracles happen for that couple who decided to reach out for help. I think married couples need to take their marriage more seriously and be proactive. I mean doing things to help their marriage – like a date night, marriage retreat, marriage therapy, reading a book together, getting an older couple to mentor them. Something!.
Why do people sit back and allow their relationship to slip out of their hand?
Posted in Counseling Divorce Marriage Relationships Uncategorized by .
Jun 10
21
Unbelievable Love
Love is a wonderful thing. It certainly locks in on a person in spite of their faults and sees the possibilities even when no one else does. Sometimes we can see our faults and nothing more. We can even be down on ourselves. This is not good because everyone has faults and strengths. Focusing on one more than the other is not healthy. Even in our love relationships, we can focus too much on one or the other. True love sees the faults but loves anyway. That is really unbelievable love. Love is a good thing to find in life. We all need someone who loves us unconditionally. It is really good for our health.
Jun 10
14
3 Ways to Make It Last
One of the major concerns on the minds of couples today is ‘making it’. With so many couples breaking up and divorce being rampant today, it is no wonder why people worry about breaking up. I have put together a dynamic seminar to help couple’s know what it takes to make it. This will be an entertaining seminar with lots of laughter and games. So make it a date. This seminar will be offered June 22nd at 6:30pm-8:30pm in Huntsville. We will publish it online as soon as we are able. Click here to RSVP.
Jun 10
9
HELP!
How helpful are you with your spouse? An offer to help is a great way to say “I love you!”
I think that sometimes in marriage we really forget how we used to be when we were courting. Remember how helpful you were to each other. You were so thoughtful. You wanted to do everything to please each other. It was so nice. Often it was those kindnesses that won our love. “She makes me feel so special”. “He is so thoughtful”. So what happenned? Life! Children, jobs, years… all of this takes your focus off each other and on to other things. If you are not careful your thoughtfulness turns into judgement. Constantly looking down on your mate for not doing what they “should” be doing. Now instead of gratitude for each other resentment grows. And even if there is no resentment there is no gratitude. Things are neutral. We just live together. No one makes much effort to excite the other with special thoughtful acts of service, words of affirmations, gifts, quality time or physical touch.
When did marriage become “what you should be doing for me?” Our expectations of each other should be verbalized to one another directly. But disappointed expectations should not mean that I stop doing for you. I think we should not stop reaching out to help our spouse even when they stop reaching out to us. We can also become so independent that we don’t need each other. I do my thing you do yours. Once again – reaching across the isle is good for the relationship – even if they don’t need your help.
So what do you think?
Posted in Marriage Relationships by .
May 10
29
Compliment Your Spouse
When was the last time you complimented your spouse? It is amazing how we can get so comfortable with each other that we can, if we are not careful, really begin to to take each other for granted. You can get so busy and so focused on your work or project that you miss valuable opportunities to show genuine praise for something your spouse has accomplished or exhibited. When was the last time you complimented your spouse for bringing home the bacon? A good meal prepared? Looking good? The way they disciplined the child? Cleaning the bathroom? Making the bed? Solving a problem?
Take time today to compliment your spouse.
Joe
Posted in Communication Marriage by .
May 10
21
What Can I Do For You?
Couples usually get together because they feel like they have finally found someone who loves them just as much as they love. It is easy to know when you love someone because all you want to do is please them. Yet in marriage this process of pleasing one another can get disrupted. We can become offensive and defensive and get on separate teams if we are not careful. The message can become “This is what you need to do for me!”
Couples should always remember that they are on the same team even when they disagree. We should consistently ask each other “What Can I Do For You?” This will keep the marriage sweet like it was when it started.
Posted in Communication Conflict Management Marriage by .
May 10
9
Are you a Complainer?
I have come to realize that complaining is really not good for you or anybody else. Complaining sets a tone of discontent and dissatisfaction. It’s a downer. As a marriage and family therapist I often have couples come in to my office to basically complain about their partner. They look at me like I’m supposed to take sides and support their arguments. It never ceases to amaze me the trouble some give me as I seek to take their attention away from the faults of their spouse (which they can’t change) to their own faults (which they can change). I think we can get so good at seeing the negative in others that we actually enjoy it.
My suggestion to you is that you stop complaining. God would never put more on you than you can bear. 1 Cor. 10:13 So stop whining about the load you are bearing. Your role in your marriage is to love your spouse – not point out their faults and fix them. Do your job at work – don’t worry about all the politics and whatever. Focus on what you can do to make your church a better place. Your perspective is your life’s compass. So check that your perspective is pointing North.
Joe Follette
Posted in Anger Management Conflict Management Marriage Marriage and Family Therapy by .
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