Everybody knows exercise is good for you. So why aren’t we doing it? Most people claim that they don’t have time for it. But that excuse basically means it is not important to you. Most of us want to believe that we are so active that we don’t need to be involved in intentional exercise. But that is far from the truth. Exercise does so much good for not only the body, but the mind, the spirit, and even relationships. It improves the quality of your life and even extends your life. What we need to do is make it a part of our lives like brushing our teeth. But of course, that requires a decision. Ernestine Shepherd made that decision 20 years ago at the mature age of 53. Now look at her. If she doesn’t inspire you I don’t know what will. Watch her now
Posted in Exercise and Fitness Health and Wellness Women by .
May 10
2
How to Save My Marriage?
You love your spouse. But you are really starting to wonder if your marriage will make it or not. This is a turning point for lots of couples. Things get so hard that you are wondering if getting out of the marriage would make like easier. So many couples I work with are at the verge of splitting up. They have exhausted all their resources trying to change their marriage. Is that where you are right now? I’ve written a great article that will help you Save Your Marriage. Click here to get it now. Its Free!
In our family worship this morning we read John 3:16-21 and discussed how the devil works under the cover of secrecy. But when we are not afraid to expose our sins the light shines on us and frees us from the devil’s evil spell. The secret is out – so the devil has been resisted. It was shared that when we have negative thoughts toward others that are not shared in positive ways – we have fallen into the devil’s trap of secrecy. Over time these thoughts can turn into bitterness, hatred and lead you into horrible traps. Holding stuff in is a sin. Blurting things out in a negative way is a sin. Lord help us say what is on our mind in a right way.
Do you have any secrets in your marriage? Do you share negative thoughts in positive ways when they happen?
I hope that this has been helpful. Feel free to contact me if you need a personal counselor.
Joe Follette
Posted in Marriage by .
May 10
2
Staying Motivated
Staying motivated is difficult because there are so many obstacles that come before you. If you are anything like me, you are involved in a lot of things and have a lot of responsibilities. Some people are able to keep it simple. Others of us are scatter-brained and jump from one thing to the next. Trying to accomplish what matters most is a challenge. So I am attempting in this post to identify some ways to stay focused and stay motivated to reach your goals. This one really gets personal.
There are a few things you can do to stay motivated and focused on your goals.
- Identify what your goals are. List them out. Reduce your list to a few main items with several sub-items. Keep it simple.
- Review your goals with a friend or business partner to determine what the priorities are. Identify whether you need to generate fast cash, a lot of cash fast or slow, a deadline at work, personal needs, prerequisites needed to be done for something, etc. Sometimes the best way to accomplish this is to find a coach who is motivated to help you stay motivated. You may need a professional.
- Set up goal milestones with deadlines, expected outcomes, what you will do to celebrate, and who will hold you accountable. These are important parts of goal setting. Milestones are markers that indicate you are moving forward. Each semester is milestone in college. Each assignment is a milestone in a class. Each chapter is a milestone in a book. If you are building a business your milestones may look like – Wrote business plan, Got funding, got business licenses and insurance, rented building, hired staff, implemented marketing campaign, received first order, earned first $10,000, etc. At each milestone check if you are meeting your own expectations and the expectations of your stakeholders. Decide how you will celebrate when you have reached a milestone. Will you buy yourself that candy bar, go out with your spouse, take a trip to your favorite spot, check off your list, make a phone call to your coach, etc. Then don’t forget to stay in touch with that person you trust to keep you on track to your goals. Meet with them regularly. Tell them how you are doing. Show them what you have accomplished and get their feedback. They will help you stay motivated. Sometimes an exercise partner is just what you need to stay motivated.
- Post your goals on you computer desktop, mirror, car dashboard. Keep your goals in front of you. Especially when reaching them takes an extended period of time. If you desire to complete your diploma put a picture of a cap and gown on your wall. Go to the graduations of your friends to inspire you. Go to the car dealer and test drive that car you want. Drive through the neighborhood you want to live in and walk-through your dream house. Attend your AA meeting regularly to be around other successful “used to be” addicts. Get a mentor you can talk to who has accomplished what you want. Keeping your goals before you creates a pathway in your mind that will lead you to them.
- Meet with your accountability partner regularly to review your progress, make necessary adjustments and stay focused on your priorities. I want to emphasize how important involving others in your goals is so important. No man is an island. We need others. Force yourself to trust somebody even if it is a paid professional. Reach out and get accountability. It will make you better and improve the quality of whatever you produce if you have others checking you out. Be open to feedback and criticism. You don’t have to do what others tell you but listen carefully to decide if it is worthy information or not. Some people have their agenda. Be careful of those folks. Stick with those who have your best interest at heart. Get in a mastermind group or a BNA. These groups are powerful ways to keep you motivated toward your goals. Isolation is not good for anybody.
I hope that this has been helpful. Feel free to contact me if you need a personal coach.
Joe Follette
Posted in Motivation by .
Let’s face it – no one is perfect. We have all have the potential to lie, cheat and steal. Born in sin and shaped in iniquity. Then your reality in marriage is you will experience conflict and disappointment in your marriage. You are living with someone with sometimes some serious faults. And they are too. But marriage is different from parenting – where you can correct your child. You can train your child in the way they should go. But a spouse is much more difficult to handle.
I believe the first step in disciplining your spouse is to pray for God to open your eyes to yourself and how you contribute to this problem. Ask Him to show you how you can better deal with your spouse’s problem. Remember, the only person we can change is ourselves. This strategy is powerful! Expending energy on helping your spouse see their problem is usually useless. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly we get into arguments – trying to out reason the other. Face it – arguing doesn’t change anything. You need to focus on yourself. Stay tuned for step number 2.
I hope that this has been helpful. Feel free to contact me if you need a personal counselor.
Joe Follette
Posted in Marriage by .
Apr 10
22
Controlling Your Anger
Some people are better than others at controlling their temper. I believe that the way you manage your anger is largely inherited from your parents. If your parents yelled and screamed more than likely you will too. I’ve also found exceptions to that rule where individuals just tended to be more sensitive than others. Maybe they were picked on and became very defensive or became a bully to get their way at home or with their peers. However you go there, angry explosions have a very negative impact on your relationships and must be curbed if you want to progress in your relationship.
I frequently teach the 5 T’s of anger and negative emotion management.
1. Touch the part of your body where you feel the anger. This will remind you that this is your emotion and your responsibility to manage it. When triggered your adrenaline begins to flow and you enter the fight or flight mode. You will feel this burst of energy in your body somewhere. Touch your body where you feel this. Some will feel it in their head, stomach, chest, hands and feet. When you touch yourself in that area say to yourself “This is my emotion. I am responsible for it. It is letting me know something is wrong that I need to fix. I can’t blame anyone else for this emotion.”
2. Take a few deep breaths. This releases your adrenaline flow and normalizes your bodies response so that you can begin to think clearly. You need to relax and consider the facts. Usually your response is not based on a truly dangerous situation. You may feel like someone is attacking you but it is not like a wild animal is chasing you. Your response is like that though. So a few deep breaths will help you relax.
3. Talk positive thoughts to yourself. Ask yourself some questions. Is my feeling and reaction based on rational thoughts? Is it a fact or truth what I am thinking? Is what I am thinking about what happened helping me reach my goals? Does it make me feel better? What could I think differently about this situation that would be more productive and solve the problem at hand? I often quote scriptures to help me readjust and see the situation differently. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
4. Take action to solve the problem. If you hungry you need to eat. Hunger is an emotion that lets you know something is wrong. Anger is the same way. It lets you know something is wrong. So instead of getting carried away with the anger allow your anger to inform you that something is wrong and then implement positive solutions so that the problem is dealt with. Don’t put off solving problems – they usually get worse. If you need therapy – don’t hesitate – go get it.
5. Trust God to do what you can’t. All you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough. When you have done everything you can about a situation or problem you get a sense of peace – when you trust God to do the rest. You can’t change other people. It is hard enough to change yourself. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Just for today. Trying to change something you can’t change creates a tremendous amount of stress. Not changing something you can change creates a tremendous amount of stress. Seek God’s help when you face big problems. He will direct your path and give you peace of mind.
I hope that this has been helpful. Feel free to contact me if you need a personal counselor or coach.
Joe Follette
Posted in Anger Management Communication Conflict Management Depression by .
Apr 10
14
Welcome to The Freedom Club Network!
Life can be complicated. Our romantic relationships can be the most fulfilling AND the most hurtful parts of life. Marriage is no easy thing. Finances can be difficult to navigate as well. So many struggle in this arena. With life’s ups and downs, getting and staying emotionally healthy is a challenge for us all. The key is Staying Motivated. We all want to live a long healthy and productive life. But we all have bad habits that are counter-productive.
Looking around for support can be a challenge as well. Unsure of who we can trust we find ourselves frequently going it alone. But you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Freedom Club is the new water cooler for relationships. money, motivation and health. Moderated by Marriage & Family Therapist Joseph L. Follette, Jr., Freedom Club offers a warm and open atmosphere to grow personally and in relationships with others. Focusing on not only the challenges but also the joys of relationships, Freedom Club can be your ally through the peaks and valleys of your life. Join the discussion.
Joe Follette
IT'S FREE!